


The Tale of the Eight-Legged Beast

by Maxine



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, I love Sanji which means he gets tortured the most, Sort Of, There be Spiders Here, old fic from LJ, sorry boo, written way before time-skip!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-18 21:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16524725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maxine/pseuds/Maxine
Summary: Usopp tells a story.  Sanji's not a fan.





	The Tale of the Eight-Legged Beast

**Author's Note:**

> So here's some silly thing from February 3, 2009. Originally posted to LJ back in the day. I guess it takes place on Merry? But that's not really important lol. Obviously takes place (and was written) way before the time-skip happened!

“So there I was, deep in the midst of the jungle, just as the last lingering rays of sunlight were starting to disappear behind the mountain in the distance. It was dark and cold, I wasn’t sure of my surroundings. No idea where to go, no clue where I was, every tree looked the same, every bush, every _rock_. I couldn’t even tell which way I’d come from, much less which direction would lead me out – I felt a new understanding for Zoro in that moment, actually—”  
  
“Oi!”  
  
“SHHHHH!” several voices hissed.  
  
Zoro subsided with a grumble, and Usopp picked up where he’d left off, hands gesturing in front of him as he wove his tale.  
  
“But I knew I couldn’t hesitate. All around me in the dark I could see the gleam of eyes, I could hear the murmuring of BEASTS. I knew I had to be quick, or else I’d find myself fending off countless vicious monsters!” He paused. “Not that that would have been a problem of course – the great USOPP-SAMA would have been able to handle them all, but I knew the longer I waited, the more dangerous things would become for my fellow travelers!”  
  
“Ehhhh~!” went Chopper, looking thoroughly enamored with the story so far. “How’d you get out, Usopp??”  
  
“Oh, it was quite a task, Chopper! I put my amazing tracking skills to use so I could follow the villain – did I tell you I used to be an Eagle Scout?”  
  
“A what?”  
  
“An Eagle Scout! Why, I was the best my island had seen in _years_. I had more badges that anyone else had ever—”  
  
“Get on with it already!” Zoro interrupted with a growl. He had to raise his arm quickly to block the incoming kick.  
  
“Can it, marimo, let him tell the story.”  
  
“Che.”  
  
“ANYWAY!” Usopp continued. “I had nearly caught up to the culprit, when suddenly……I heard a noise.” Usopp lowered his voice to a near-whisper. A couple members of his audience leaned forward, eyes wide with anticipation. “Coming from behind me. A sort of…scratching.”  
  
“Aww, that’s not scary!” Luffy said, leaning back again on his arms again. Sanji sent a kick in his direction, too, for good measure.  
  
“It was VERY scary, Luffy!” Usopp tapped his fingers lightly against the floorboards. “It wasn’t very loud…just a constant, low noise. Following me.” He kept tapping, shuffling his hand closer to Chopper who squealed and scooted several feet back until he hit Zoro’s leg, which he promptly latched himself to. “I could hear twigs snapping around me, closing in. The leaves on the trees shook with more force. I turned, ready to face whatever it was behind me!” Usopp’s voice rose with every word he spoke. “But when I looked—! …There was nothing.”  
  
“Still not scaaary.”  
  
“Shut _up_ , Luffy!”  
  
Usopp jumped to his feet. “But I knew something was there! ‘COME OUT, BEAST!!’ I yelled. ‘FACE ME!’ And then.” Usopp bent low, turning slowly. “Out of the darkness he arose.” He gradually straightened, arms rising above his head, his hands in the shape of claws. “Two – no, three – no, FOUR stories tall! He towered over me—”  
  
“Was it a sea king??” Luffy asked, looking excited again.  
  
“Was it an EVIL MONSTER???” Chopper asked from where he’d climbed up to the back of the couch, body sticking out from behind Zoro’s head as he tried to hide.  
  
“Was it Nami after the cook tries to cop a feel?” Zoro asked, snickering.  
  
Sanji planted a foot in his side, glaring at him from the other end of the couch. “Asshole.”  
  
“No!” Usopp cried. “You’re all wrong! It was—”  
  
“Nami when someone wakes her up in the middle of the night—?”  
  
“STOP TALKING ABOUT NAMI-SAN LIKE THAT, YOU SHITTY SWORDSMAN—”  
  
“IT WAS A GIANT TARANTULA!!” Usopp snapped, whipping a pillow in the general direction of the couch.  
  
“…What.”  
  
“Aahhhh,” Luffy groaned, collapsing back on the floor. “Booooring.”  
  
“That’s right!” Usopp crowed. “A tarantula! It stared at me from its eight glittering eyes—”  
  
“…Oi,” Sanji said, frowning.  
  
“But I stared right back. ‘I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!’ I said. It crept closer, its many legs dragging along the ground. I didn’t have time to back away, one step for the beast equaled ten for me! It nearly stepped on me – instead I felt the scratchy hair of one of its legs brush against my arm—”  
  
“ _Usopp_ ,” came Sanji’s voice again. Zoro snickered some more.  
  
“Suddenly it lowered itself! I was on eye-level – no, MULTIPLE eyes-level with it. Its fangs were right in my face, venom dripping everywhere. One splash of the stuff and I would’ve been DEAD.”  
  
“Usopp, _stop_ , you’re scaring Chopper!”  
  
Usopp glanced at Chopper, but he was just looking excited again so he ignored Sanji, who had pulled both of his legs up onto the couch by this point. “The beast cornered me. I was trapped against a wall of trees, I had nowhere to go, but I knew I had to defeat it and save the villagers – and I still had that other villain to go after, too, of course – so I raised my swords—”  
  
“You use swords now?” Zoro lifted an eyebrow.  
  
“This was a long time ago. Before Mihawk beat me and stole my title.”  
  
“…Right,” Zoro said around a yawn, watching out of the corner of his eye as Sanji wrapped his arms around his knees.  
  
“So I raised my swords and ATTACKED. Oh, it was a vicious battle. The spider knew an amazing EIGHT-sword-style. One sword for each leg, you know—”  
  
“COULD YOU STOP BRINGING UP ITS LEGS?!”  
  
“IF YOU STOP INTERRUPTING ME EVERY TWO SECONDS!!!!” Usopp put a hand to his forehead, sighing. “Ahh, never mind. I beat him in the end and used the magic I’d learned to shrink him back to normal size – turned out he was just an innocent little thing! I’ve kept him with me ever since!”  
  
“REALLY???” both Luffy and Chopper crowed.  
  
“You WHAT?!” Sanji yelped at the same time.  
  
“Of course!” Usopp dashed away to his trunk, pulling out a small glass cage. “See?”  
  
“Oooohhhhh~!!”  
  
“Usopp, what the hell??!?” Sanji jumped up and over the couch in one swift move, half ducking behind it. “You mean that thing’s been in our cabin this ENTIRE TIME???!?!”  
  
“Yep! He’s sweet – wanna hold him?” Usopp didn’t wait for an answer, reaching into the cage and pulling his small tarantula out.  
  
“I wanna see!” Chopper said, jumping down from the couch and bouncing over to Usopp.  
  
“Lemme hold him, lemme hold him!!” Luffy said, practically hopping from foot to foot as he crowded around, too.  
  
“WOULD YOU GET THAT SHITTY THING THE _HELL_ OUT OF HERE??!!!!!” Sanji practically shrieked, ducking further behind the couch – and that was when Zoro lost it completely and actually fell to the floor laughing. Sanji went scarlet, hopping right back over the couch so he could slam a foot repeatedly into Zoro’s shoulder. “Shut up you fucking asshole before I break your goddamn FACE!!!”  
  
Zoro just kept laughing.  
  
Sanji stomped harder.  
  
Luffy and Chopper joined in the laughing.  
  
Usopp took pity on the poor cook, and brought the tarantula closer to him. “Sanji, look, he’s not actually going to do anything to you—”  
  
“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT AWAY GET IT _AWAY_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
  
And then Usopp lost it, too, collapsing and joining the other three as they rolled around in hysterical laughter. The tarantula fell from his hand, landing neatly on the floor next to him.  
  
“SHIT.” Sanji made a mad dash for the couch, and from there vaulted to the ladder and scrambled up it. “I’m feeding you assholes GRASS tomorrow!” was the last thing he said before the latch slammed shut behind him.  
  
“Hahahahaaa, oh damn, that was priceless,” Zoro said, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “What a wimp.”  
  
“Tell me about it.” Usopp sat up, reaching for the tarantula and blowing the dust off it.  
  
Then he gave it a squeeze.  
  
It squeaked.  
  
“Stupid thing’s not even real.”  
  
  
**FIN**


End file.
